How To Name Your Secondary Emotions
Do you ever have a rush of emotions that seem to come from nowhere?
You know when you're fine one moment…then an external event occurs and almost instantaneously - you find yourself feeling anxious, angry, or needing to cry. You may be dealing with what is called secondary emotions.
The hope of this blog post is that you will learn what secondary emotions are so that you’ll be able to identify them, and, therefore, better understand yourself.
What distinguishes secondary emotions from primary ones? Their complexity and the factors that influence them.
Primary emotions are often simple, universal, and linked to survival instincts. Secondary are dynamic and complicated.
Both emotions are part of being human.
Primary emotions are immediate responses to situations--like feeling frustrated the kids aren't listening or drained from a long task list. Secondary emotions can be more complex than our responses to the primary emotion or feel more vulnerable and deeper.
These secondary emotions can be influenced by:
your past experiences
societal norms and expectations
personal beliefs
learned behavior from the way you were raised
For example, behind the frustration mentioned above may be the fear that you don't have influence over your kids in the way you expect to, or feeling sadness over the drained state you find yourself in because of a mother's demands. What does this all mean? It means that what triggers a secondary emotion in one person may not trigger the same emotion in another person.
“The feeling that stays past the primary response, the feeling that sticks around. That’s your secondary emotion. It won’t until you listen and understand.”
It's challenging to identify secondary emotions because they are often more nuanced and multifaceted. These emotions are layered in the conscious (what we're aware of) and also in the subconscious (what we're not readily aware of, but can access in deep reflection). And one secondary emotion can trigger another, creating a complex web of emotions that is hard to untangle.
Identifying some secondary emotions may be easier than others, but no matter how difficult it can be to untangle these emotions, doing so is crucial in emotional processing.
Personally when I realize how I actually feel about something it can be a light-bulb moment bringing relief and clarity even though I still have to work through it. It's this ah-ha, honest moment within myself offering medicine, not just a band-aid.
I want that for you, too.
Here are some ideas to get you started naming secondary emotions and knowing yourself more:
Introspection. When noticing a strong primary emotion, ask yourself what else you feel. When have you felt that before? It's curious to consider whether this is a common coupling. You're using past experience and influences that have shaped you to connect the dots.
Mindfulness. Different from introspection because this practice focuses on the present, observing your emotions without judgment. Becoming aware of your current emotions allows you to notice their variance in bigness and importance.
Journal. By writing down your thoughts and feelings, you can gain a better understanding of your emotional responses. Science says we only need 15 minutes of journaling via handwritten, typing, or audio to get the brain benefit. We're able to make connections and see patterns that we may not see otherwise. And, as journaling becomes a habit, the amygdala (the part of the brain responsible for emotional processing) calms down a bit and we don't experience the emotions as intensely as we did before.
Therapy. I'm biased, but sometimes it can be really beneficial for someone to speak into your life, offering insights and trained techniques to help call out and manage secondary emotions. Particularly if your daily functioning and quality of life is ruled by your emotions.
In the process of learning about your secondary emotions you'll discover patterns in your reactions and interpret meanings behind certain feelings.
You'll be more known.
In the process of learning about your secondary emotions you'll discover patterns in your reactions and interpret meanings behind certain feelings. You'll be more known. This matters--it opens opportunities for fuller authenticity, self-awareness, richer relationships, and more influence over your life.
Xo
