How To Accept & Process Emotions
Emotions.
They shape us.
They dictate our reactions.
At times they even direct our choices and behavior.
They are also powerful tools that can become pivotal points in our personal growth journey.
Dealing with emotions often calls us to a two-step process: naming and acceptance.
If you need help with naming your emotions, check out the previous blog post on How To Name Your Secondary Emotions and then come back here. This post will be waiting for you when you’re ready!
Now, let’s assume you've done the due diligence in naming and are ready for the challenge of accepting and working through them.
Accepting your emotions isn't doesn’t mean the same thing as wallowing in them. Rather, acceptance presents a middle ground between suppression--stuffing them down--and over-identification, which is to be consumed by them in a way that the emotions steer your life. Acceptance acknowledges your feelings without letting them completely overwhelm you.
Self-disclosure-- as an Enneagram 4 (click here to learn what this means and find out your type), but as an Enneagram 4 I'm in my feelings, a lot. Guilty of over-identification, I'm good at naming emotions and accepting them. But after that is a struggle for me--working through my emotions that are valid yet long term aren't beneficial for my well-being. I get stuck in loops and it takes real effort to get out. But when I do, I honestly feel proud. Because I know I'm more than my emotions which at least for me, can be hard to believe when they're big. You're not alone in doing the work.
Here's my imperfect (but usually effective) process of accepting and working through emotions once I'm aware of them:
No dodging:
When feelings I dislike come up, I don't avoid them. Instead, I notice they're there and treat them more like background noise. It’s just like they're playing softly in the back of my mind. That way, I can go about my day without shutting off my emotions.
Notice meta-emotions:
I tune in to how I feel about my feelings. I take note whether I feel a certain way toward my emotions.or example, I may be feeling angry at myself for feeling sad, or guilty for feeling content and paying attention to these feelings helps frame questions about your existing beliefs around emotions.
Stop minimizing:
The feelings are real and not random. And odds are I've felt them before because that's just how the body works. As a result, these feelings hold information that's important for me to recognize and be curious about– whether it be my past experiences, current relationships or daily life happenings. Emotions get louder-not quieter-when we're not curious...they want us to acknowledge that they have a purpose.
Speak truth:
Arguably the hardest part of the process because this is when I have to take an earnest look at whether continuing the emotions serve my well-being. Whether it's the emotion itself that needs help being redirected or the dramatics of it, I challenge myself to speak truth over how I feel and whether it's merited and helpful. Knowing who we're wanting to be can hold us accountable in speaking truth and keep us on track.
Juggle:
Whether it be via journaling, hashing it out with one of "my people", internally reconciling my head/ heart differences, or sharing with my therapist, I juggle together the emotion, its power over me in that moment, the truth, and who I'm striving to be. Remembering we can manage the complexity, slowly over time we're able to drop a ball, letting go as we make peace and move through it.
The Takeaway:
“Accept your emotions, make space for this processing experience, and remember, we don’t need to fix everything at once. What’s more, we can’t! ”
Accept your emotions, make space for this processing experience, and remember, we don't need to fix everything at once. What’s more, we can't! The process outlined here will gradually dull the emotional edge and open you up to real healing. Emotions, after all, are merely guides on our journey towards better understanding of ourselves...towards being known.
Xo.
