Psychotherapy Talk: The Relationship Between You & Commitments
Updated: May 8, 2023
New Year resolutions and goals are for some, and not for others. With approximately half of people making some type of commitment yet less than ten percent keeping it longer than a few months, it shows us that we’re a malleable people whose desires and wants ebb and flow. On an individualistic level, unset and unfulfilled New Year devotions—or devotions made at any point—lead to a conclusion about the relationship between self and that possible resolution or goal.
Whether you’re a person not opting into commitments or someone who tries yet doesn’t get to where they had hoped, there’s a root cause why this is so. At a basic level, the cause may appear as a simple choice because of what it entails such as time, energy or motivation. But there’s deeper reasoning behind the choice to not at all or cease committing; there’s more underneath the surface of those tired, common causes. psychotherapy
The root causes are deeper than such worldly interruption. Perhaps you haven’t yet found the right commitment for you, meaning the resolution or goal that is not only timely to change, but is one that you’re ready—and in a good place in your life—to take on. If the right commitment, then consider whether you genuinely value your potential enough to put forth intentionality the commitment requires. Question the love you have for your future self—your thoughts and behaviors in the present are shaping her. Remember, any road to betterment is threatened by adversaries, yourself included. Some tough love mamas: carry on commitments in spite of them.
And as I share with you, I too reflect on my declaration—whether it’s the most suitable to tackle given my position in life, and whether I can intentionally give whatever is required to succeed. As I’m not one for the traditionally timed resolution, the one on which I’m focused didn’t begin a few days ago. But in comradery with the fifty percent and to be real with you mamas, I renew my vow to write in the spirit of self love. As it lends itself a continued, steep challenge, I rest in this resolution's timeliness because of my weariness from self-deprecation that’s embedded in fear. I’m ready to no longer view my written words through a self-sabotaging lens. And I’m eager to adopt a confidence that recognizes fear prowling but isn’t victim of it. You see, mama, my root cause as to why this resolution hasn’t yet prevailed is really because I haven’t valued my future self enough. Giving myself more grace and affirmation now would be investing in, thus loving, the future me.
And while there’s appreciation for the sentiment, a new year doesn’t mean a new you. You’re the same you but perhaps with a refreshed heart, re-energized mindset, and rekindled fire. These things will help you seek and find the new you this year. These things are tools that’ll serve you well in deconstructing reasons you’ve told yourself why resolutions and goals haven’t worked in the past. It’s when root causes are determined you’re able to fulfill commitments. So if it’s helpful, use the enthusiasm the new year brings as a springboard to beginning again or starting for the first time, but you’re called into some self-reflection to follow through.
Xo.
