Psychotherapy Talk: Are You Feeling Entitled?
Updated: May 8, 2023
Does your life look the way you wanted it to? Do you have the particular number of kids you’ve hoped for, the Prince Charming you’ve planned for, the friendships and career you’ve worked for? Is it just as you pictured?
From a young age we women craft a vision of what our adulthood is going to look like, calculated with minuscule margin of error. We’re fed early on to reach for the stars, that we’re a princess—worthy and pretty. And because of our innocent ignorance, we absorb it as absolute truth, and from which devise expectations that adulthood should be nothing less than magical. So, we tightly hold onto our constructed life vision as we age, making decisions and choosing paths that land us in the perfect position for that vision to manifest.
But then adulthood comes. And you realize that despite your best efforts the vision (or any part of it) isn’t coming true like you intended. You’re shaken. The degree of impact is relative, but to some of us women it can injure our core beliefs causing us to question our identity and purpose. We ask ourselves how we missed the mark to our perfect life. And then perhaps we think it’s our fault—we must’ve failed because someone carrying those aforementioned absolute truths gets the best.
But why does the disconnect between our adulthood vision and the adulthood reality rattle us so much?
Contemplate this: Has the trifecta of culture’s false advertising, well-meant yet mismanaged messaging growing up, and perfectionist self talk compounded—over time—turning your idyllic vision into concrete expectation? Is there a part of you that believes you deserve the vision; you’re owed it. Or in other words, do you believe deep down you’re entitled to it?
That’s why we’re rattled.
But say you end up exactly where and how you wanted—congratulations. Real talk: that doesn’t mean you don’t feel entitled. Your life choices may have been just as calculated, yet the entitlement isn’t as obvious because you never had to grieve your vision not materializing.
Feeling entitled isn’t a negative stamp on who you are—it’s not your identity. It’s merely a word with which we can be associated. Mamas, I’m not proclaiming we all have entitlement. Every one of us are guilty of wanting our great, imagined future. Dreams really are beautiful things. But here lies a challenge for you to reframe the concrete expectations into gifts life bestows upon you. There’s more room for gratitude and contentment when your mind shifts from thinking about what you deserve to thinking you don’t deserve anything. Mama to mama, let me share real absolute truths I wish you'd ingrain: You are capable. You are holistically beautiful. You are not in control. The more you rest in those truths the less you prize the life you pictured…and that’s liberating.
Xo.
