Why Does Grief Come in Waves?

Grief is an emotion that no one wants to experience, but unfortunately, it will happen at some point in life. It’s a normal reaction to any type of loss, including (but not limited to) the ending of a relationship, the death of a friend or loved one, a job change or loss, or other major negative life events.

grief is defined as “a strong, sometimes overwhelming emotion for people, regardless of whether their sadness stems from the loss of a loved one or from a terminal diagnosis they or someone they love have received.”

Because there’s no one-size-fits-all approach or sign of grief, it’s important to understand those signs, what different types of grief are, that it can come in waves, and why that happens.

Key Signs of Grief

You may find yourself experiencing a wide range of symptoms. It’s also important to note that these can change depending on the situation.

• Difficulty focusing on anything except what happened

• Feeling “numb” or just going through the motions instead of feeling emotions

• Not eating, sleeping, staying hydrated–not taking care of yourself physically

• Not sleeping or sleeping too much

• Feeling distant or removed from daily tasks and life

• Immense sadness over the life event

• Uncontrollable negative emotions such as crying, sadness, anger, confusion

Types of Grief

By understanding what you’re going through, you can get yourself on the best path forward with the tools and resources that work best for you.

Delayed grief: Sometimes you feel grief, hours, days, weeks, months, even years after loss. For some, the shock of the loss puts you in “autopilot mode,” and you work through what you need to. This can delay the grieving process and the feeling that it hits all at once. In those cases, that’s your mind and body telling you to handle what you need to before realizing the impact of the loss.

Cumulated grief: This occurs when you’re handling multiple losses at the same time. It can feel like it’s “piling on” and “one thing after another.”

Anticipatory grief: In some cases, it’s knowing a loved one has a terminal illness or you’re able to mentally prepare for a major life event. When that occurs, you’re starting the grieving process ahead of when the loss occurs.

Abbreviated grief: this can occur when you quickly move through the grieving process. It’s important to note that this does not mean you didn’t care about the loss, sometimes grief takes less time than others. That does not mean you’re a bad person.

Why grief comes in waves

You can go days, weeks, even months without that feeling, and then all of a sudden *wham* you’re hit with something that makes you feel sad or down about your loss.

There can be many triggers or reasons that you’re experiencing grief. The biggest reason for that is you can be triggered by things in everyday life. This goes along with the delayed grief discussed above. It’s easy to feel like you’ve moved on when this trigger can send you back into grief, and that’s okay. The key here is knowing that you can and will get through it.

Another reason is that acceptance of a new reality after loss is hard. It’s easy and normal to wonder “what-if” and how you could’ve stopped or changed things. 

With time, a good support system and professional counseling can help you accept and handle the loss so you’re able to focus on recovery.

If you’re struggling with grief after loss, reach out to us to learn more about grief counseling and how we can support you during this time.