5 Ways to Set Healthy Relationship Boundaries
Each of us has a wide range of relationships. There’s the romantic variety, of course. But also, we have family members, friends, co-workers, neighbors, and more. In all such connections, there’s an unspoken need. We must be fully aware of where we end and where others begin. As obvious as this sounds, too many folks have learned about boundaries from pop culture.
We expect a romantic partner to “complete” us. Close friends arrive unannounced and let themselves into our homes. Mom and Dad are involved in all our decisions. In reality, healthy boundaries are a major, non-negotiable piece of healthy, manipulation-free relationships.
What Can Healthy Relationship Boundaries Teach Us?
We learn how to ask permission and respect other people’s time and space
Instead of making assumptions, as for clarification
How to bring out the best in each other
Accept our different needs, wants, opinions, habits, cultures, and choices
Factor everyone’s emotions into all decisions
How to set realistic, mature expectations
Make compromises that both parties can agree on and live with
Avoid keeping score or seeing others as owing us
How to remain flexible and open to ongoing evolution
The importance of encouraging independence for everyone involved
All of this should sound appealing. But it may also sound easier said than done. To get the process of setting boundaries started, let’s explore some options and suggestions.
5 Ways to Set Healthy Relationship Boundaries
1. Become Aware of What You Need
In a world in which boundaries are not typically taught at a young age, it can be confusing to identify:
What you need and like
How you find comfort, rest, and solace
Where you are willing to compromise or even sacrifice
Your deal-breakers
You need self-awareness to make such a list. With this list, boundaries can end up being rather amorphous. So, put in the work to do some introspection. This can be easier when done with the support of an experienced mental health professional.
2. Commit to Clear Communication
Identifying your needs is one part of the process. You still have to explain these to other people in a clear manner. If you speak vaguely, you risk being misunderstood. If you opt to be passive-aggressive, well, nothing positive will come from that. Instead, choose to be direct and remain patient when you’re required to re-explain your point.
3. Commit to Respectful Communication
You can’t control how anyone else chooses to communicate. But you can lead by example with respect. For example, check your use of “you” statements. They can put others on the defensive. “I” statements leave far more room for calm discussion. Practice compassion and seek to understand more so than to “win.”
4. Be a Great Listener
The best way to understand is to be an active listener. Everyone appreciates the gift of paying attention. They want to be validated and taken seriously. When discussing boundaries, leave no doubt that you hear what’s been communicated.
5. To Avoid Problems Later, Don’t Make Assumptions
Never wrap up a conversation about boundaries without making certain that everyone is on the same page. When you or someone else sets a boundary, talk about it until both of you understand the need and the details. Allow room for anyone to ask for clarity if it’s needed.
What If You Need Help?
If you do not set boundaries or set unclear boundaries, you will inevitably have conflict. But if this process feels daunting, you can ask for help. Therapy is an ideal setting for learning how to take ownership of what you need from the people in your life. Communicating effectively about this can be the foundation of a healthy relationship.
Reach out to learn more about relationship counseling and how it can help you improve any relationship that you may have.